Where do I take a woman on a first date?

Dear Lisa,

I am a 32 year old man in Victoria, BC and I finally got a date with a woman I really like, but I have no idea where to take her. Any thoughts?

–First Timer (♂ Victoria)


Dear First Timer,

Thanks for writing in, these are some thoughts I’ve been meaning to write down for a while! Before I jump in, I want to mention a little about what those first dates are for:

  • Syncing Up. Dates are the best way to find out if you are on the same page. Do you live a similar lifestyle? Value the same principles? Dream the same dreams? Plan dates that give you both a chance to be in your element and choose activities outside of your respective comfort bubbles to get away from the ‘best behavior’ bullshit.
  • Making memories. A superb way to create and maintain the bond between you and your lady are the memories you create together. Dates should be little adventures to be remembered (or laughed at) in the future.
  • Creating chemistry. The most important thing you need to know when you are on a date is whether the spark is there! A few things create chemistry: a combination of physical attraction, intimacy (face to face, talking, touching), separation (an activity that takes your attention (and hands) off of each other), polarity (difference between the masculine and feminine). My biggest tip here, keep the date physical – no museums, documentaries, libraries, lectures, intellectual discussions or rehashing of baggage.
  • I recommend that first dates last around 2 hours, and that you change venues two or three times. Ideally, you would start in a fairly public, open space, and move toward a venue that is more confined and intimate as you feel closer emotionally. Planning a date like this gives you a solid plan, things to talk about, a variety of situations in which to observe one another, lots of memories and hopefully an opportunity to show off your masculine prowess. So, go ahead and pick one activity from each list.

    Appetizer (short time period, public venue, side by side time)

    • Beverage/Ice cream and a walk.
    • One on One sport (equipment required) Play a quick game of 21 at the park, a little game of catch on the grass, pool at a pool hall, darts at the bar, batting cage, driving range etc.
    • Skipping rocks on the water (if you can’t skip rocks I recommend throwing the rocks high and rating them like olympic divers)
    • Quick tour of one of the cities gardens or nature reserves.
    • Appetizer. Literally get an appy at one restaurant, entree at the next, dessert at the next.
    • Things with animals – feeding birds, petting zoo, bird sanctuary, dog park (with your dog) etc.

    Entrée (Longer time period, slightly more intimate, potentially some face to face time)

    • Geocaching.
    • Private couples dance lesson.
    • Local ghost walk or tour of city.
    • Live music.
    • Entree. New restaurant, new memory!
    • Hike, short kayak ride, bike ride, rock climbing, ice skating, swimming
    • Amusement Park
    • Mini Golf
    • Go Karting
    • Community theatre, sports match, farmers market

    Dessert (short time period, intimate venue, snuggle opportunity)

    • Beverage/Iceream and a walk.
    • Dessert at another restaurant.
    • A walk in the rain under a giant umbrella.
    • Sitting somewhere with a view.
    • People watching in a cafe
    • Laying on a blanket on a beach/bluff or meadow.

    Another great thing about the multi-venue date is that if you come to the conclusion that you aren’t compatible, you have several opportunities to bail on the date without being awkward (not recommended for the ‘3 courses, 3 restaurants’ idea).

    Feel free to add to the list in the comments, and let me know how your dates go!

    – Lisa



    Leave a Reply