Where can I meet women in Victoria?

Dear Lisa,

I’m a single, 38 year old man working on getting myself out there to meet women. I live in Victoria and I’m wondering if you have any advice for where to start? I’ve heard it’s hard to meet people in Victoria, and since my hobbies are pretty limited to work and my children, I could use some help.

–Small Social Circle (♂ Victoria)


Dear Small Social Circle,

I have heard many of my clients say the same thing about Victoria… and Vancouver… and Toronto. I think the idea that it is hard to meet people comes from one (or both!) of two places. Either the individual is now old enough that the easy places to meet people like school, socially oriented part time jobs and house parties no longer apply, or they have tried to infiltrate a group of like mindeds and their insecurities about whether they are an asset to the group/friendship got in the way. Both of these reasons (and all the others you could conceive of) are very real for some people, and really make it challenging to meet any friends at all, let alone a significant other!

The truth of it is: it takes a persistent effort over time to meet new people, to get familiar with people’s faces, to start conversations and to create a friendship. If you’ve worked with me before, you know that I recommend starting by creating a consistent and solid group of friends instead of focusing on finding a significant other, and inevitably, the condfidence you build from becoming more comfortable socially will attract the right sort of mate into your life.

Thankfully, there are loads of places to meet people in Victoria because we have mild weather and people spend time outside their houses. I recommend starting with the simple task of recognizing what you can do in public, and then going out and doing it. Some great ways to start: read books or answer emails in a coffee shop, listen to music at a live music venue while you read your favorite (hobby oriented) magazine, exercise in running/walking/hiking/rowing/kayaking clubs or take a series of classes on a topic that interests you offered by a local.

Once you’ve become a regular somewhere, start asking the other regulars where you mind find some good music, or a nice restaurant. Get in the habit of talking to people instead of google; you never know what sort of conversation a question could lead to.

You might find, as you have, after a little soul searching that you aren’t really sure what you like to do anymore! Here are a list of a few more specified events curators in Victoria. When you get a better idea of what you like to do, look around for the hub of that activity and you’ll find endless ways of getting involved. Of course, don’t forget to check websites like Craigslist, UsedVictoria or Meetup.com, as it’s easy and free to post there, and a lot of people do!

I also wrote a post a while back on places to meet people, including seasonal volunteer opportunities. You can find that list here.

Let me know what works best for you, and if you find other events curators you’d like to add,

– Lisa



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