What makes women check men out?

Dear Lisa,

Why do women always check me out more when I am with an attractive woman and can’t do anything about it?

–I See You (♂ Victoria)


Dear I See You,

At risk of diminishing the value of your utter good looks and masculinity, but there are many factors that contribute to a woman finding a man attractive, especially when he already appears to be taken. For one, a woman’s presence with a man makes him seem safe and desirable to other women – the old, ‘well if everyone’s doing it, it must be good’. Basically it shows that you have sufficiently adequate qualities that make an attractive woman want to spend time with you, and thus give you stud cred for other women. It’s classic marketing, really!

Secondly, as you may already know, women in our culture have been nurtured to be competitive; constantly comparing themselves to other women. A good man is thought of as a scarcity (I’ll spare you the derogatory clichés), which means that we tend to use a competitive edge, such as beauty, to our advantage, exercising our power over men whenever possible, both consciously and unconsciously. Imagine her inner dialogue as follows:

Conscious: Wow, she’s gorgeous.
Unconscious: I’m better looking than her.
Combined: I could get a man like him….
Conscious: Hey, he’s looking at me!
Unconscious: See, he’d rather be paying attention to me.
Combined: He better not be her boyfriend, because he totally just checked me out…. giggle.

More subtly though, imagine that each human being is like a computer with several ports designed to receive certain plugs… then imagine that you are walking down the street with some of your ports filled with work, some with the woman you are with and some of them are empty. Human beings and especially the opposite gender are attracted to empty ports and ports filled with other things (ever realized that you are way more attractive to your SO when you are concentrating completely on something else (ie: all your ports are filled with an activity that doesn’t include her?). Nature abhors a vaccum.

And finally, it could simply be that some women see men who are already with other women as safer to flirt with and be more overtly sexual with because there is no fear that you will somehow use your masculine advantage to manipulate and overpower her femininity. The feminine requires attention from the masculine and visa versa; and when you are with another women, you are about the safest source possible!

In short, when other women see you walking down the street with another woman, she instantly judges you as suitable, considers you available or unavailable, and is likewise drawn to fill your empty ports or the ports you have filled with other things. No wonder you wish you could do something about it!

– Lisa



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