Waiting for him to call

Dear Lisa,

My boyfriend and I made plans on Sunday to hang out at his place on Wednesday night, but now I haven’t heard from him for 2 days since. He usually calls every day or other day or so, and it bothers me that he hasn’t called.

I know you advise women to not call men, but is it OK to call to confirm our plans? At some point in the relationship is it alright to call them once in awhile?

–Waiting ( ♀ )


Dear Waiting,

If you are in the beginning of a relationship – still establishing how you communicate – and the plans are unspecified (you didn’t discuss a time and a place), I suggest waiting for him to call. The reason being: the date is his suggestion and he didn’t make definite plans. My own personal rule is that if a guy asks me for an unspecified date on Monday, for Friday, and I say yes, and then he doesn’t call by Thursday night at 8 to firm up the plans, I go with other options. However, if the date is my suggestion, then I will quickly call to confirm the day before. However, if the date is specified, and he calls the day of, then go with it, consider that he’s comfortable with you.

I’m getting the sense that your relationship is established but your communication isn’t? The best way to figure out what the communication pattern is, is to step back and let him make the moves. Don’t call him or plan dates. See how often he likes to talk to you. If he calls every two days most of the time, then let him do that. If you want him to call you more, you either have to make your life interesting enough that you don’t need him to call you so often, talk to him about it, or you have to find a man who gives you the attention you feel you need. My suggestion is that you find more to do!

And finally, yes, later in the relationship it is fine to call him if you have a purpose. Call him to firm up a date you suggested, or to check and see if he needs you to bring anything to a dinner party, but make it purposeful; not just some excuse to hear his voice.

Enjoy your date!

– Lisa



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