To call or not to call him?

Dear Lisa,

I’ve been seeing a guy for a while now, we get along great and have a lot of fun when we go out, about twice per week. The thing is, when I call him, he always seems pre-occupied, or busy. He can never talk for very long either. I feel like I want to bring it up with him but I’m not sure if I should.

–Ringing off the hook ( ♀ )


Dear Ringing off the hook,

First of all, guys do not generally like to talk on the phone. Second, men are naturally good at maintaining a hard, singular focus. The combination of these traits is why I recommend that you let him call you. A man will want to (and need to) focus all of his attention on you, which is something that most men would rather do in person (unless there is some barrier such as distance that prevents them). So, he will call you when he is ready to focus all of his attention on you.

When you call him, the majority of the time, you will be interrupting his singular focus, in which case he probably won’t be ready to focus all of his attention on you, making him seem pre-occupied or busy. Really, it is just challenging for him to quickly switch gears when the phone rings. He probably cuts the conversation short for the same reason.

With regards to bringing it up with him – unless you have a genuine reason to think that there is a problem in your relationship, which would be indicated by more than just his phone manners – you really shouldn’t take this personally. He is likely so focused on whatever it is that he was doing before you called that he doesn’t even realize his behavior irks you. Before you bring something up with him, figure out what your motivation is. In this case, if you want to talk on the phone, call a girlfriend.

– Lisa



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