Shouldn’t dating be left to the fates?

Dear Lisa,

A couple of years ago I signed up for an online dating site called OKCupid. I never ended up making a profile because I decided at that time that I didn’t want to meet someone online. I have always had the romanticized feeling that I will bump into my soul mate along my life’s journey. Maybe while I am writing in my journal down by the beach or rummaging through a used bookstore.

Now this is where my quandary comes in. So that site I signed up for has continued to send me emails with potential suitable mates. I periodically peruse through them to see who is out there on the dating marketplace and to marvel at the bravery these people have for putting themselves out there. I came across a profile of a girl who sounds like an ideal match for me. In fact, she seems like soul mate material.

What should I do? Should I stick to my romanticized version of how I think I am going to fall in love or should I take a leap of faith and respond back to this online girl?

–Samurai Surfer (♂ Victoria)


Dear Samurai Surfer,

I can completely sympathize with your romantic notion of meeting the right person as you walk through life. I agree that it is almost always best to meet people through doing what you love to do, or spending time with people you love to spend time with, be it work, hobbies or your social network. I maintain that these are the best ways to meet potential partners because you are almost guaranteed that you have at least one thing in common, not to mention the social context required for a lasting relationship.

However, we live in a time now where there are new tools available to us, like internet dating sites, singles clubs and speed dating. They resemble, in some ways, inter-village matchmaking from days of yore – you are meeting people who you might not have a chance to meet because of your location or the limits of your social circle.

Another part of your hesitation, might be the stigma that has surrounded online dating and chat-rooms of the past. The taboo-ness of meeting online has sort of lost it’s mystery because so many people are doing it. So, if you think of it like a tool, it’s not as though you are leaving behind the romance of meeting someone in a bookstore or a coffee shop, you are just adding another place to meet to your arsenal. I say go for it! You’ll never know until you try it for yourself.

Let me know how it goes!

– Lisa



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