Relationship Chemistry Breakdown

Dear Lisa,

I was out at a bar with my boyfriend a couple weeks ago and we weren’t having a very good time. Everything started off okay, and as the night progressed, things started to go downhill. There were a couple of creepy type older men at a table near by who kept talking to us, but mostly me, which made me feel uncomfortable, and him too.

Then suddenly, we totally lost our connection and our chemistry. There was a moment where I actually kind of felt the shift. Like one second, we were fitting together harmoniously, and the next second everything was thrown off and bad. It was right before he suggested we leave, so he obviously felt the shift in our connection, too. What can I do to put things back in their place when there’s a change in our chemistry that way?

–Flunking Chemistry ( ♀ )


Dear Flunking Chemistry,

If we look strictly at the masculine/feminine dynamic, the masculine tends toward being the protector, where the feminine tends toward being the protected. If you are habitually the feminine in the relationship, perhaps he was feeling unsure of exactly how to manage having his woman being hit on by a couple of creepy men. If he felt outnumbered and overpowered then he might have frozen for a second before deciding that taking you out of there was the best plan.

When you feel uncomfortable in a situation, voicing your discomfort as simply as ‘I’m uncomfortable’, will cue a frozen man into action and put you back in your feminine, keeping the chemestry sizzling away.

Best of luck,

– Lisa



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