My shoes make me taller than my man

Dear Lisa,

My boyfriend and I are very similar in height, he is about an inch taller than me in bare feet. I’m investing in a new pair of sexy boots, but am concerned about the heel height. The shortest heel I’m looking at will make me for sure as tall or a little bit taller than my guy. I once wore shoes that made me taller and he found it disconcerting. What to do?

–Head over Heels ( ♀ )


Dear Head over Heels,

The key here is to notice that it takes two! Yes, the fact that he is uncomfortable being shorter than you is probably a symptom of some discomfort with his masculine energy. However, the fact that you are uncomfortable with his reaction, and that you need to wear heels to feel your sexiest is likely a symptom of some discomfort with your feminine energy. Not that this is a bad or a good thing; you’ve just found your edge as a couple.

The truth is that as men and women, we typically need to feel that we embody certain qualities: most men like to feel larger, heartier and masculine next to their women and most women desire to feel small, sweet and feminine next to their man; protective and protected. And, if we don’t feel these things on the inside, then we rely on the physical to give us the feeling. On one hand, your man derives his capability to protect you, more because he is physically larger than you, and less from an inner knowing that he has the resources to protect you. On the other hand, you feel more sexy (feminine) in heels and less because of your ability to just be in your essence as love.

So, how do we deal with this? First, understand that it is fine for him to feel upset when you wear heels. Similarly, it is fine for you to feel your sexiest in heels. Second, have a little chuckle – allow yourselves to laugh at your little insecurities! Things will shift when one, or both of you, are more comfortable with your sexual polarity together.

Be gentle with yourselves,

– Lisa



Leave a Reply