I’m in love with an unavailable woman

Dear Lisa,

There is a girl at work who I absolutely adore and have been in love with from the first moment that I laid eyes on her, which was over two years ago. We have a mutual attraction to each other where we innocently flirt through interaction at work and at social gatherings outside of the workplace.

The only problem is that she has had a boyfriend for over three years who she is deeply committed to. I would never want to purposefully break them up because I am not a ‘home wrecker’ and he is a really great guy who treats her phenomenally. More than anything I want what is best for her because she is the most amazing person that I have ever met. Everyone who comes into contact with her feels nourished be her positive light energy.

Even though I do not want to break them up, I feel that a union between the two of us would be just what the other needs to live to their highest truth. What should I do?

–Samurai Surfer (♂ Victoria)


Dear Samurai Surfer,

In my opinon, there are two options. Do or do not. There is no sitting and pining away for two more years.

Option 1: DO. I see why this is tempting. She is unattainable! She is the princess and you are dueling with another prince from another land; old school ‘the-princess’-hand-always-goes-to-the-best-fighter/rider/hunter’. And if you are a better man for her, then you are giving her what is best for her by letting her know the option is available. The greater the reward, of course, the greater the risk: you are potentially risking some awkwardness in your friendship, your work relationship and maybe even friendships with others at work. Worth it if you don’t want to look back wishing you’d have made a move.

Option 2: DO NOT. I get why the risks I mentioned above could be deterrents, not to mention that winning the girl in this case doesn’t necessarily constitute keeping the girl. What’s to stop her from falling for some other (younger, hotter, better surfer…) dude in the future? Of course, if you really are the best man for her, then you needn’t worry.

The important thing here is decisiveness. As the masculine, you decide intentionally to make a move or not. You do not let opportunities pass you by. So waste no more time and energy sitting! Either make your intentions known or surf on.

– Lisa



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