I enjoy masturbation and when I’m single, I’ve done it every day, sometimes multiple times per day. Now that I’m in a relationship, I’m worried about a couple of things. First, my past girlfriends have had a problem with me masturbating, saying that they feel bad that I would rather do it myself than be with them. While this isn’t true, that I have ever been aware of, I always feel guilty doing it, and like I have to hide my sexuality. Second, I’m worried that it might be true, that if I masturbate, I’m not going to want her, and it will cause problems for us in bed.
–Mastur Bater (♂ )
In the Frequently Asked Questions section of The Illustrated Guide to Extended Massive Orgasm, by Steve and Very Bodansky, they state that ‘as part of their homework, [they] recommend to students that they have one, two, or more orgasms each day’ for the reason that it is important to feel confident in the ability to orgasm. They say that ‘many of [their] students, however, continue getting off daily even though it is no longer mandatory.’
Of course there are a variety of other theories and philosophies about orgasm and masturbation out there, including groups that recommend conserving the life force, and those who recommend spilling it. On top of those, there is also the cultural opinion that masturbation, on the part of the woman and the man, is a sign that the partner is unhappy with the other partner’s performance. Fortunately, not everything you read or watch on tv is true. I suggest that you be intentional about your frequency of self pleasure; use it as a tool for engaging in self love. When you find yourself using it to escape, or to relax just as you would other addictive forces like television and shopping, it might be time to tighten the reigns by making an intentional time for yourself.
As for masturbation in and out of relationship, I suggest that you see what happens when you masturbate in a relationship where you are accepted, if not encouraged, to do so. After all, it is an act of self love, and entirely different from connecting with your counterpart. IF you find that it doesn’t serve you or your relationship, adjust accordingly. Mostly though, don’t ever feel guilty or shameful for wanting to pleasure yourself, that would be analogous to feeling guilty or shameful for wanting to spend some time alone when you could be spending time with your partner. Both are healthy, and necessary for a strong and solid relationship.