How do I stop being so emotional after a breakup?

Dear Lisa,

Recently I’ve been struggling with roller coaster emotions since my boyfriend (and first love) of a year broke up with me a month and a half ago. One day I feel so strongly about a particular the issue, and I’m happy and in a good place about it. The next morning, the tiniest little thing sets me off and I’m crying and feeling so desperate. And then I get these brief moments that can thankfully last for a few days where I’m just mostly neutral and ok.

I recognize that this changing and shifting emotions are very much the nature of the feminine, and I’m trying to not shut down my feminine side or “control my emotions” with my masculine side… but is these anything I can do to help work through whatever process is triggering this journey through my feminine? I’m so tired of this up and down confusion and not knowing my own mind these days.

–Drama Queen ( ♀ Nanaimo)


 

Dear Drama Queen,

Let’s get one thing straight right away here: you are not a drama queen. You are a QUEEN. Your heart has been broken and it takes a long time for it to heal. Some say that it takes half the length of the relationship for the heart to heal after the breakup of a healthy relationship… and from my experience, that is a pretty accurate time-frame.

I know what you are screaming in protest ‘I have to work, I have to deal with people, I have to LIVE! I can’t just wait for 6 months to go by before I can go on with my life.’ Yes. And to quell the temptation of being ‘stronger’ by curbing the emotions, I’m going to suggest you do something very daring; be this new self of yours.

There is a chance that for the next four and a half more months, you are going to be more sensitive than ever before. You are going to be more moody with giant swings of sadness AND happiness. So be it. Don’t make excuses for yourself; this is you healing from a relationship and you will never be the same again – not the same as you were before the relationship, during, after, now or in two months. You are growing and changing, and unless you want to end up in therapy 10 years down the road for stuffing down what you deem your neurosis, be this new self.

My rant aside, it is good to recognize what helps you to stabilize: music, water, wind, heat, colour, moving your body, dressing to feel your best, spending time with people who love and support this new you are all things that will help to ease the tension of fluctuating emotions, but for now, it’s just who you are.

Heavy doses of love to you, Queen, I hope this part of your reign is as joyous as the past!

– Lisa

 


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