He texts instead of calls

Dear Lisa,

I have been in a committed relationship with a man for a few years now. Things are more or less amazing, except for the odd little thing now and then. Right now I’m beating myself up a bit because when he goes away for work (a few times a year for a few weeks) he doesn’t communicate very well. When he first gets there, he hardly writes or calls at all, then we have one or two good phone conversations and by the end he resorts to texting instead of actually calling me… we actually have an entire conversation before bed over text!

I hate to get into a long conversation about how he’s not fulfilling my needs… but how else do I get him to put the phone to his ear?

–Sore Thumbs ( ♀ Vancouver)


Dear Sore Thumbs,

I’m gathering that you are pretty secure in your relationship, and that you get what it’s like for him when he’s got a lot on his plate. As such, you’re right. This sort of thing does not require a ‘we have to talk.’ sort of discussion.

It sounds to me that by texting instead of calling, he’s just doing what he has to do – men typically do only what they have to do and nothing more, which means if he can get away with a text conversation, then that’s what he’ll do.

Does the conversation finish with some version of ‘I-really-wish-you-were-here!-I’d-better-get-to-bed.-Love-you.’? If so, his shortchanging your chit chat doesn’t mean he isn’t stoked to make contact, but that he probably feels that he has nothing worth calling about. Texting is way less awkward than trying to create a full blown conversation from weeks of doing the same thing day in and day out. Not to mention that most men don’t like talking on the phone at the best of times…

So, if the textversation isn’t enough for you, then expect more – basically, ignore the bad and reward the good. Don’t answer his texts until right before you’re about to go to sleep, let him know that you hope his day went smoothly and that you wish you could have talked earlier! Buuuuut you’re tired and you’re hitting the hay early. After a couple of days he’ll give you a call, and when he does, share what’s new for you both then end the conversation before he does – he’ll feel less pressure that way.

– Lisa



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