Can I say I love you first?

Dear Lisa,

OK so what’s the deal with the first “I love you”?

Can I, as the woman, say I love you first, or is that one thing the man for sure has to say before the woman? I’ve read that, in general, men take longer to fall in love than a woman will, and we don’t want to say I love you too soon and scare them away. Is this BS, or good advice? My heart is screaming to say it, but I’m worried about going too fast for my boyfriend.

–Twitterpated ( ♀ Duncan)


Dear Twitterpated,

I don’t suggest that a woman say I love you first. And definitely not because the man takes longer to fall in love, but because men typically don’t know they’re in love as early. Not only that, but when they know, they generally don’t say ‘I love you’ until they are sure that they mean it (a good thing, really). Let him take the lead so he can figure out his feelings before your feelings for him get all muddled up in his head.

In the meantime, find solace in noticing your man doing cute little things to express his growing love for you such as finding excuses to do boring errands with you, or calling you a couple of times in one day because he forgot to ask you something, or talking about the two of you instead of just the one of him. Men show before they tell.

If that’s not enough to keep your lips sealed, then look a little deeper at how we are cultured to believe that love is a static state. One that can only go forward toward other static things like the girlfriend/boyfriend title, moving in together, eternal commitment, the list goes on. It’s no wonder that there is so much reservation around the utterance.

It won’t be long!

– Lisa



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