Am I too needy?

Dear Lisa,

I’m not so long ago divorced from a long marriage that began when I was really young so I’m new to the dating scene. I’ve been seeing a guy exclusively for 8 months and I constantly worry that he’ll feel like I’m being needy. So, I rarely call and try to wait and text until after he initiates. When we’re together in person he has my undivided attention though.

He’s been away in training for the last month and has been asking why I don’t call more often. I just explained that I know he’s busy. He told me to call whenever I feel like it because when I don’t call it seems to him like I’m too busy for him. I’m not going to call any time I feel like it. That would annoy the heck out of him. My question is, am I being overly concerned about coming across as needy? I really enjoy it when he calls me. The feeling of being pursued is very nice.

–Delphine ( ♀ )


 

Dear Delphine,

Thanks for your question. I’ll start with some basics: one reason that the feminine loves to be pursued is that it fulfills her need to feel safe, secure and loved. Men experience this need too, as they have the feminine within them. They are predominately driven by the need to fulfill their purpose, so they usually don’t need constant reassurance that they are safe, secure and loved.

Now, clinginess. Women worry about clinginess in the same way that men worry about creepiness, so you aren’t alone. Both are very subjective to a point. For example, you usually don’t find a man you are attracted to creepy, until he does something really inappropriate, where a man you don’t find attractive can do the same thing, and you’ll be creeped out. It’s the same for clinginess. If a man is attracted to a woman, he’ll find her cute, rather than clingy. Now, I say to a point, because if you give your man a quick call every once in a while, he’ll find it sweet and endearing, and even reassuring that you’re as into him as he thinks. But if you call him every time you’re bored, just to chat… not so much!

Wiggle room, relax.

So, the answer to your question is that a quick call once in a while is not clingy.

– Lisa

 


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One Response to “Am I too needy?”

  1. Hamilton

    This is generally good advice. The idea that a guy usually isn’t creepy if you find him attractive I find to be true. It reminds me of the episode of How I Met Your Mother when Ted ignores all the signs that the girl he is dating is crazy until he loses attraction for her.

    Reply

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